Behind the Eyes of Dreamers Read online

  “So you know about her. She can’t leave me—she’s abandoned her people, and there’s nowhere else for her to go. Right now, she’s probably fishing at the river near here. She hunts for me, catches fish, and looks for plants. The rest of the time, she jabbers at me in that speech of hers. I’ve learned just enough of it to tell her what to do, and I won’t teach her our language. It’s amusing to watch her trying to sort out my words while her eyes plead with me to say just one word she can understand.”

  “We’ll bring her along,” Orielna said. “I’ll ask Aniya to have you help her through her change.”

  He glared at her. “Why do you keep talking about impossibilities?” He shook back his hair. “She’s mine. She won’t know anything of the outside world except what I choose to reveal to her. She wouldn’t remain mine for long out there.” He grinned, showing his teeth. “You don’t want to go back yourself. Aniya will make certain you never leave her again. You fear that—I know. We still share, you and I.”

  “Less than you think.”

  He grabbed her hair, forced her head back, and clawed at her shirt. “Behave yourself.” He fumbled between her legs. “I’ve always known how to please you before, haven’t I?”

  She heard a cry. Josef let go; she looked up. A young girl in a loincloth hurried toward them from the trees beyond the shelter, carrying a spear and a basket. Her long reddish brown hair hid most of her face. “Josef!” she cried; he had taught her that much, at least. She scrambled toward them over the rocks, dropped the basket and spear at Josef’s feet, then pulled at his arm.

  Josef said, “She’s jealous.” The girl sat back on her heels and began to smooth her hair over her bare breasts. She lifted her head; her eyes were as black as Josef’s. Orielna understood then what the girl was to him.

  He had found his own eidolon in the Garden and would make her into his own image in time. He would deny her anything beyond his own needs, as Aniya had denied him his.

  Josef got up and dragged the girl into the shelter. Orielna listened to their grunts and sighs as she gazed at the lake. Poor Josef, she thought; he thinks he’s escaped Aniya, but he’s only become what she would have been out here.

  It was curious that she now felt so removed from everything around her. Her mind was probably becoming more unstable, since she was beginning to see why Josef welcomed his present state and embraced the wild and more violent impulses he saw as truly human. But she also pitied him. She might have become like him if she had come here alone, but knowing that she also had such impulses did not trouble her now. Uncertain as her fate was, she no longer feared it. Daro had shown her that she did not have to let mental shadows cloak her thoughts and deeds. Everything that had happened to her here was hers. She could become herself, then step beyond what she had been shaped to be.

  She opened a channel. “Is Daro safe?” she whispered through it.

  “He is,” the Net replied inside her. “He freed himself without aid and touched us only long enough to say that his hunt was over. He is closed to us now. Do you wish us to assist you?”

  The hunter had abandoned her, as Josef had guessed that he might. Daro had, after all, only left her with the man she was seeking; he owed her no more than that. She should have expected it. He would go back to his hut to brood on his failure, perhaps leave the Garden altogether.

  “I need no help,” her thoughts whispered. “When Daro is open to you again, tell him that I won’t forget him.”

  She closed herself off and bowed her head.

  The girl struck a fire among the rocks and cooked the fish she had brought in her basket. Josef came out of the lean-to and studied Orielna for a moment. “You’re just longing to summon help, aren’t you?”

  She blinked, holding back her tears. He would see only her unhappiness and not know that she had touched the Net. Her unfeigned sorrow, she supposed, was protecting her now; Josef was unaware of its cause. He could find out easily enough that she had disobeyed him if he opened a channel, but she no longer cared.

  “The minds don’t care what happens to you,” he said, “or to anyone else. They’ll look after us just to amuse themselves, but they don’t care.”

  Orielna averted her eyes. Josef was wrong. The minds might have let their kind die out or overridden any troublesome or doubtful thought, but had not done so. Once, she had wondered why the Net allowed suffering that the minds could prevent. She realized now that the minds allowed them to choose what they would be, and surely there was some caring in that; they did not clutch at human beings as Aniya had clung to Josef, but left them free. The minds might think that there was hope for them then, that at least a few of them could choose more than their solipsistic dreams.

  The girl pulled a fish from the fire and held it in front of her; Orielna recoiled. She seized Orielna’s hair and forced her mouth against the fish while Josef laughed.

  “Better eat,” Josef said. “We don’t have any other supplies.” Orielna shook her head, afraid she might retch. The girl sat down, tore at the fish, gulped it down, picked her teeth with a few bones, then inched closer to Josef. Her hand slid toward one of the wands at his waist.

  “Oh, no,” he said gently, then slapped her, knocking her against the rocks. She wailed and covered her face.

  “You don’t have to treat her that way,” Orielna said.

  “It’s all she understands.” The firelight flickered across his face. He opened the front of his pants and threw himself at the girl, taking her on the rocks. Orielna watched them rut, then looked past them to the moonlit lake; there was no love in their act. Josef made no sound; she only knew that he had finished when he sat up and reached for more food. The girl adjusted her loincloth, then crawled toward him, draping her arms over his shoulders as she rested her head against his chest.

  “You might be kinder to her,” Orielna said.

  “And do all the things I used to do for you and Aniya? I feel no need for that.” He helped his companion up, then moved toward the lean-to. “Go to sleep.”

  She stretched out; her arms and legs ached from her bonds. Apparently Josef was not going to watch her, as she had expected. She waited until she could hear their even breathing, and wondered if he might be feigning sleep, waiting to see what she would do. A flyer could reach her before dawn if she asked for one, but Josef would hear it land, and she could not get to it bound as she was. She thought of his knife and how he might punish her for her disobedience.

  She felt behind her, searching the smaller rocks with her fingers, careful not to make a sound. The Moon was high when she finally found one with a sharp edge; she gripped it in her right hand and sawed at the leather strip around her left wrist. The leather was tough, her arms soon stiff from the effort; she rested, then hacked at the thong again. She had to get to the woods above the lake and summon help from there. Josef might come after her, though, and she had no way to defend herself. She could call for a flyer now, but she wasn’t familiar enough with this region to know where in the forest it could land, or if she could find her way to it.

  At last she felt the thong give way. Free, she rested for a bit, listening to the sounds of the sleepers, then sat up and untied the rope around her legs. Her arms and legs prickled; she rubbed at her ankles, wondering how soon she would be able to walk. A false step could send small rocks and pebbles down the beach and alert her captor. She steadied herself and got slowly to her feet.

  Orielna crept toward the trees. She had nearly reached the edge of the forest when she heard his voice call her name. She spun around just in time to see Josef raise his wand; the beam shattered her thoughts and plunged her into a dark pool.

  She was lost, lying on a hard, uneven surface, her back slightly arched, a weight against her abdomen. Her arms were out; someone held her down by the wrists. Orielna opened her eyes; the girl stood over her with one foot on Orielna’s belly. Josef’s face floated above her, his mouth where his eyes should be.

  He said, “You shouldn’t have done it.” Th
e black eyes below his mouth glistened. “You disappoint me. You’ve already called for aid, haven’t you?”

  “No,” she managed to say. “I wanted to get away first.”

  “I’ll find out if you’re lying. It’ll be a lot harder for you if you are. I didn’t want to hurt you—I would have let you go if you’d behaved. You might have found that you didn’t want to leave.”

  The girl’s foot was heavier against her; she gasped from the pain, knowing that she had to open her link now. The girl suddenly turned her head. Orielna heard a sound that might have been a sharp gust of wind and then a queer thump.

  Josef fell across her. The girl was screaming. Orielna struggled out from under Josef and sat up. The girl was running up toward the trees where Daro stood, her stone knife in her hand. A spear jutted from Josef’s back. Orielna froze at the sight, then fumbled under him for a wand. Daro clutched a rock in his hand; the girl lifted an arm to hurl her knife. Orielna took aim; the beam shot into the girl’s back. She fell and rolled slowly down the slope before coming up against a boulder.

  The hunter scrambled toward her. She got to her feet as he caught her in his arms. “Are you all right?” he asked. “I was afraid I wouldn’t reach you in time.”

  She leaned against him. “I didn’t think you’d come. He told me not to open my link, but I had to know if you were safe. The minds said you’d given up, that you—”

  “I had to leave him a false trail. He might have opened his own link.”

  She heard a groan and stepped back. “Josef,” she murmured. Daro bent over him and pulled out the spear; blood gushed from the wound. The hunter knelt, tore a piece of cloth from one of his sleeves, and pressed it against Josef’s back.

  “He’s healing now,” he said. “Lucky it didn’t kill him. If he’d left me my wand, I wouldn’t have had to make a spear.”

  She straightened. The sun floated in the east above the gray expanse of the lake. She could open her link now, but held back, wanting to feel this moment fully, both the wild joy and the terror of knowing she still lived.

  “Your hunt was successful,” she said at last. “You should leave a record of it all—others will probably admire your resourcefulness.”

  “Do you think that’s the only reason I’m here?”

  She moved toward him, afraid to hope. He was pleased that he had finished his hunt and that she was unharmed; had she been badly hurt, his success might have been tarnished. That was all his words could mean.

  “What do you want to do with him?” he asked. “Take him back to his sharer? She might not want him now—she’d probably have him wiped.”

  “He would have preferred dying here to that,” she said. “At least that death would have been his own.”

  “You decide.” His mouth twisted as he looked up at her. “Aniya would expect it. Take him back, let her do what she likes with him, and then you can forget all of this.”

  “I don’t know.”

  Josef stirred. Daro motioned toward the girl with his head. “You’d better watch her until she wakes up.” He turned back to the wounded man.

  When Josef was able to walk, Daro led him toward the shelter where Orielna sat, her wand aimed at the girl. The creature’s dark eyes were wide as she glanced at the men; to her, it had to seem that her companion had risen from the dead. She would worship him all the more now.

  Daro’s spear and the girl’s lay next to the lean-to; the other weapons, including the girl’s knife, were tucked under the hunter’s belt. He pulled out one of the wands as Josef sat down.

  “What are you going to do?” Josef said. “Take me back? You might as well have me destroyed here. But you can’t do that, can you? You have to let her decide.”

  Daro looked at Orielna. “She won’t want me,” Josef continued. “She’ll hate what I’ve become. I’ll have that satisfaction at least before I’m wiped.”

  Orielna said, “You’re right. Aniya won’t want you back now.” She swallowed, repelled by Josef and the woman who had created him. “There’s one way you can save yourself—all that matters is that others are safe from you. Open your link to the Net. The minds won’t trouble your thoughts. As long as you stay here and they know where you are, you needn’t be taken back. Any visitors can be warned to avoid you, and the Net can restrain you if you try to leave this place. This can be your prison.”

  Josef was silent.

  “Aniya should be gratified,” Orielna went on. “She’ll believe that your thoughts might turn to her occasionally and that you’ll regret this, but you’ll have no way back to her if you do, and that will give her some satisfaction. If you find you can’t bear your existence any longer, you can ask to be taken from here and destroyed. I think Aniya will agree to that.”

  “You think I’ll choose to leave,” he said, “now that you’ve told me this.”

  “No,” she said, “you’ll stay.”

  “Maybe the Net will override that decision.”

  She opened her link; the tendrils of her thoughts were caught in the web of minds. She felt their assent within herself; they had left the choice to them. She closed herself once more. “The minds won’t override.”

  Josef pulled his lips back from his teeth. Daro picked up the spears as Orielna rose. “Don’t think you can close your link completely,” she said. “If you do, you’ll only be hunted, and you won’t get away next time.”

  “We’ll leave your weapons up by the trees,” Daro said. “You won’t be able to go farther than that.”

  “Are you going back to her?” Josef asked. She turned away and began to climb the rocky slope, Daro at her side. “My link is open now. Wouldn’t you like to have my thoughts flow into you one last time?”

  She did not reply. “You surprise me,” Daro murmured. “Can you leave him like that?”

  “It’s what he wants.” Orielna looked back. The girl was following them, shaking her fist and muttering under her breath. Daro halted and raised his wand; the girl showed her teeth and then ran back to the shelter.

  “That girl—” Orielna started to say.

  “Let her live with the choice she made.”

  The girl hurried to Josef and embraced him. He knocked her away; Orielna heard her wild scream. She pawed at him; he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the shelter.

  They came to a clearing and summoned a flyer to take them to Daro’s hut. Orielna caught a glimpse of the lake on the horizon before the light, winged craft fled toward the sun over the treetops. Daro was silent, as he had been ever since they left the lake. Perhaps he was wondering just how much of Josef there was in her.

  When the flyer landed, she climbed out after Daro. He glanced at her, a puzzled look on his face. “You’re not leaving?” he said.

  She shook her head. The craft lifted with a soft hum and flew toward the distant wall. “I hoped I could stay with you until I decide what to do.”

  “Until you decide.” He drew his brows together. “Very well. I’ll pitch a tent for myself.”

  “You don’t have to—”

  “Until you decide.” He turned away.

  The hunter spent the days listening to the minds or wandering along the creek without her. She passed her time alone, opening a channel occasionally to see if Aniya had called to her, but heard nothing.

  A night came when she left the hut and went to Daro’s tent. She heard him stir as she lifted the flap, afraid he might order her away, and then his arms were around her, drawing her to him. They moved slowly, lingering over each touch. She took her pleasure kneeling over him, then lay on her back, holding him tightly as he shuddered, sighed softly, and then was still.

  “I want to stay here with you,” she said. He stretched out next to her; she hooked one leg around his. “I want to listen to the minds with you and see if there are any unchanged people we might guide to the outside.” She paused. “That is what you want to do, isn’t it?”

  “It’ll be hard,” he said, “finding ways to persuade them to come willin
gly, trying to show them they have nothing to fear—they might refuse us, even threaten us if we’re too persistent. Even if we guide them through their change, we might fail in the end. They might decide to lose themselves among all those other hollow souls.”

  “That must be their choice,” she said.

  “And a painful and disappointing one for us if they make it. Or we might find that we can’t give up enough of ourselves to join them if they decide to forgo our limits and become full partners of the Net.”

  She said, “I’ll take the chance.” His calloused hand slid over her hip. “But I must do something else first. I have to see Aniya once more.”

  His hand stopped moving. “She knows what’s happened here, and hasn’t protested. There’s no reason for you to see her.”

  “She’s expecting me to come back. I have to tell her that I can’t.”

  “You can do that from here,” he said.

  “I owe her more than that. I have to say it in her presence, so she knows it’s over. Otherwise, she might keep hoping I’ll come back, as she did with Josef.”

  He said, “You owe her nothing.”

  “Come with me, Daro.”

  He was silent for a long time. He would refuse, and she would have to go alone. “What is it, Orielna? Are you afraid to face her alone? Do I have to stand there thinking you might change your mind and stay, after all?”

  “I won’t stay. Please believe me—this is important. Come with me.” She could not explain. She would know when he saw Aniya if he glimpsed anything of her in her sharer.

  “Very well.” He gripped her more tightly, as if he feared he might lose her.

  They left the flyer and climbed the hill toward Aniya’s house. The door opened as Orielna led Daro inside; they were expected. Aniya had said only that they could come, giving no sign of her feelings about the visit.

  They were inside a bare, mirrored chamber. Orielna stared at the endless reflections of a slender, blond woman and a thickset, green-eyed man until the door leading to the courtyard opened.